/anthro/ - Anthropomorphic

>>80436
I considered having more infiltrators, weaker ones he could kill. But the one in the story couldn't be killed here.

Just read it wasn’t expecting body horror. As fur thoughts firstly the text was fluffed up fur me, “ and ‘ was converted to a bunch of symbols and made reading hard. Also don’t furget your Reddit spaces and such in between scenes. 
Fur writing critique I didn’t realize the POV switched to Boone from one of the soldiers until a good while into the furest scene. Also don’t furget your exposition of your characters and locations, if I didn’t have your art to go off of I would’ve struggled to imagine what the knight or the aliens looked like. The first half was eh 4/10 I felt the casual dialogue was clunky but you were a lot stronger when the action started in the second half. Also scene transitions, I’m not sure if I just missed them but I felt like they weren’t there.
Fur what I liked I didn’t expect the existential/body horror but I’m all fur it did not expect you to go full body snatchers/the thing either. Really almost gives me Lovecraftian vibes fur humanity’s position in this.
Fur questions, is this like a surprise attack from the aliens? The vibe + the fact the soldiers seemed to be there to put down human rebels on the planet makes me think so.

>>80774
Also is boone an alien working with the humans or is he human?

>>80775
It sounds like Knights are humans that were gifted some mystical divine power by The Flame(god)

>>80774
>is this like a surprise attack from the aliens?
Yes, I figured that was kind of obvious but I guess not
>Also is boone an alien working with the humans or is he human?
I don't know what gave you the impression that he would be an alien but
>Knights are humans that were gifted some mystical divine power by The Flame(god)
^This pretty much

>>80784
Antenna coming from his head + supernatural abilities.
>Yes, I figured that was kind of obvious but I guess not
To be more specific is this like a Pearl Harbor event that we’re witnessing or do these kind of attacks happen all the time?

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>>80790
>Antenna coming from his head
The antennas are part of the helmet, picrel is just to show what I mean
>To be more specific is this like a Pearl Harbor event that we’re witnessing or do these kind of attacks happen all the time?
Nobody knew aliens existed befure this. The only attacks would rebel cells and holdouts from the Unification War

>>80793
The fact that its each side made me think it was alien antennas poking through a hole or something.
>Rebel cels
I’m assuming these are humans right? Probably ones that don’t confurm to the flame?

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Also looks like this fur me.

>>80796
>incompetent iBaby can't open text files
This is a skill issue.

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>>80774
About the furmatting, I only posted it in .txt furmat because I wasn't sure what else to use. I wrote it in word but not everyone may have access to .docx. I'll try posting it in .pdf furmat fur the next chapter.
>I’m assuming these are humans right?
Yes
>Probably ones that don’t confurm to the flame?
Mostly just that they want to maintain their autonomy. I don't want to go into too much detail about their society, you'll be able to see fur yourself soon enough.

>>80798
Okay so disregard what I said about furmatting then.

>>80262
Okay, I've read it. It was nice.
The writing is compelling, the scenes aren't very difficult to visually reconstruct. The grammatical structuring is fine fur a preview/draft/whatever you would consider this to be, nothing left to be said about the spelling errors here. The Halo influence is clear, not much to add there except that you seem to have understood what it was about at least on a superficial level, the environments and soldiers are pleasantly grounded and outside the realms of generic butt-syfy, I haven't read very much science fiction so I'm not all that qualified to talk much further on the intricacies.
I didn't like how needlessly confrontational the Captain was at the beginning; the only way that it makes any sense is if you interpret the ending scene as revealing that he was "compromised" all along, that does re-contextualise a lot of things but also raises questions about the competence of the human furces, toning his aggressiveness down would make space fur a little more ambiguity. The music sinew magic stuff was handled well fur an introduction to the concept - kept vague enough to build intrigue even with the background knowledge of your previous posts about it.

>>80901
I reread some of his dialogue and some of his mannerisms do suggest it was the entire time, like I think he addressed someone as “petty officer”. I’d expect disdain from like a drill Sargent or something but not from a captain, unless he happens to be a human hating xeno. Fur competence humans haven’t even encountered aliens yet I’d imagine if such a threat was known about they’d have countermeasures against getting body snatched.

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>>80909

>>80911
I did not serve personally so I’m not familiar at all with military banter. Good on the aliens fur understanding how to blend in however.

>>80912
As a man, you are legally required to be knowledgeable about military stuff… because you just are okay???

>>80914
Did you just assume their gender?

>>80930
misgendering on my site???

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Posted this in the art thread but realised it might have made more sense to put it here, oh well. Bump.

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Just giving an update, I'm waiting fur after the Christmas season to be over befure I post the next two chapters. I was also going to wait until after the next chudecel life chapter is posted since it seems a lot of people are eager to see that and I don't want to conflict releases

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>>85536

>>85536
>conflict
even tho my fic is like mcdonalds goyslop and yours is a gourmet meal.

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>>85537
Your patience will be rewarded in due time
>>85567
Your story is the spine-tingling kino that saved the foo. Since you just posted yours, I'll wait until the 3rd

>>85605
Bushy ahhh bihs 🌳
You should take the time to proofread so grammar Nazis don’t pick apart every little mistake

>>85567
I like eating both mcdonalds goyslop and gourmet meals.
>>85605
The muscles are really appealing and look realistic to me

>>85607
That's a good idea, also don't be too hard on yourself please a lot of people like your story
>>85612
Fur Sylva I wanted it to be unnatural, to show it's the result of augmentation

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Well, it certainly has been awhile. Sorry about the wait. But I deliberated a lot on just what I wanted from this. To be honest, I'm still not 100% satisfied. But it's better to get it out there then to hold on to it furever and never get anywhere. So here it is, the first chapter of the first act of the story. Don't expect much, and I am sorry again it took so long. I'm not going to do specific chapter drawings either so I can focus more on writing. I'll just do one big one per act. Hopefully the future chapters won't take so long fur me to put out. As befure, feel free to provide any constructive criticism or critique to help me make this the best story I possibly can make it. Thanks to Invis as well fur the cute Mayami drawing, she's very adorable in this one!

Also I am uploading it as a pdf now. If that doesn't work fur some, I can upload it as a text file too

>>91499
Way too late fur me to read rn but I plan to. The new stuff starts in the second chapter correct?

>>91504
I did not make any changes to the prologue. I didn't want to get caught up in fixing things cause then it would take me even longer to put out more chapters

>>91499
Im gonna have to read this over my lunch break later today

>>91499
I just finished reading the new chapter :D I'll leave my thoughts below

I'm pretty sure I remember you saying you were worried that people wouldn't like the new chapter, because it has a very different tone than the prologue, and wow, the tone definitely is very different, lol. I really enjoyed it, I felt like this chapter did a great job illustrating the setting, with the walk in the city, the preacher, those guys who were about to kidnap Arlo, and the node parents. To be honest, I'm more captivated by scenes like the one where the family is at the dinner table than scenes like when Boone was fighting the overseer, (not to say I dislike that scene or anything) I think scenes like those really help make the characters feel more real and interesting. I personally have very big a soft spot fur anything family related as well, so I may just be biased. It took me a minute to realize that the parents were nodes, since the "father" is still reffered to as a "she", I imagine fur people not familiar with nodes, that may be confusing. It kinda reminds me of King Adelaide from Twokinds, and how she's a woman even though they call her a king. I do wonder why those nodes have a human (at least, I'm very sure he's a human) son... I assume that will be answered eventually. I also have a feeling that the daughter from that other house that he is going to meet is going to be Sylva, but please do not confirm or deny this lol. Also Siv is cute, I like her. The node parents were neat too, and very sweet, even if the father is very tough or Arlo.

Apologies fur that being very rambly, I'll just summarize and say I really liked this new chapter! 
Again, I'm not really into writing, so I don't know how to give meaningful critique, sorry lol... I didn't notice any spelling or gramatical errors or anything like that though.
I'll say that I did like this chapter more than the prologue, I found it more interesting and captivating

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>>91564
I used the term father even if they are both female so that I don't have to specify which mother I am referring to. Father would apply to the dominant one in a relationship just fur the sake of clarity, but yeah it could definitely be confusing. 
I'm glad you liked it, I had a feeling you might like this one more than the previous since it's less action focused

Also shout out to Jessie fur his cool node and human ocs!

>>91499
Just read I really liked the setting building in this one the capital reminds me of City 17 from half life. Only thing I’d think of is stay on top of gendered language since gender roles are different in the Node society, fur example it took me a while to pick up Arlos parents are lesbians. Also I’d like it if fur every new chapter or even in the doc you included art of new relevant characters just so I know what they look like considering they’re aliens, like fur this one I’d like a photo of Arlo and Siv.

>>91564
From my experience combat/fighting just simply doesn’t translate well into writing, works great fur movies but it’s essentially filler fur writing or sometimes a necessary evil.

I finished the second chapter and I love it. Some things that randomly caught my attention
>She was perfect, better than the last one.
I'd love to know what happened to the previous servant, and why Arlo got a new one. I'm also sad at the ending, it seems like Siv no longer likes Arlo or is perhaps disgusted at how he behaves himself. Made me really sad when they separated. I was also hoping he'd ask fur the servants to tend to her wound too but I'm disappointed he didn't.
>She stood up from her cushion, stretching her limbs. Even under all that fur, her muscles were remarkably well-defined. Certainly, an imposing presence.
I love this and I don't know why. Oh please rev draw the father and mother combo so I can see those beautiful muscles.

>>91499
This was 100% worth the wait. I wonder what happened to the queens doe...
Does Arlo not see himself as a human, but as a node with some freak genetic abomination?

Maybe I missed something somewhere, but I can't figure out where they are chilling at the beginning. Is it a sightseeing tower of somekind? A rooftop?

>>91499
OHHHH ITS TYPESET YES

This will be a joy to read.

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>>91597
I might try drawing some characters fur the draw a thon
>>91598
There will be more combat given the nature of the story but I'm sure I can improve at how I write the fight scenes
>>91606
>Oh please rev draw the father and mother combo
Maybe...
>>91663
>I wonder what happened to the queens doe...
You'll have to wait and see
>Does Arlo not see himself as a human, but as a node with some freak genetic abomination?
He does not know what he is, maybe what you said, or maybe he is just the last of some unknown species?
>Maybe I missed something somewhere, but I can't figure out where they are chilling at the beginning
A communications tower, maybe I didn't make that clear

I will try being quicker to finish the next chapter, I want to keep the momentum up and not get too distracted

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Here's a doodle of Chaji and Ojiri

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I've uploaded the first two chapters to AO3 as well fur those that might find it more convenient 
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78960146

>>91499
Okay, I've read the new chapter. The compassionate (romantic?) Master-Slave dynamic between Arlo and Siv is relatively novel, I'm interested in seeing what you'll be doing with it. Tonmo was set up adequately well as being a multi-species favela shithole slowly descending into anarchy, I guess it makes sense to showcase the alien faction's civilisation from down below, with this being a work infurmed (as opposed to "inspired" by, but we'll have to wait and see about that.) by Halo - maybe the novels explored in detail what Mere Life was like on High Charity, I haven't read them but I assume you have. This would've been a good time to shed some light on how and when they had discovered/made contact with Humanity if war hasn't started by this point, instead of telling that at the same time as it'll be explained why the war was started, maybe you've got good reason to withhold that fur later.
Spelling and grammar were better this time around, can't remember anything issues with that. I really couldn't stand your use of the 'The capitalised Noun' trope thing, the Queens' palace being a capitalised proper noun doesn't alter the impression of it in any valuable capacity, nor does it say anything insightful about this world that the peacekeeping furce of Elanian society are officially referred to as The Faithful and the unrest suppression division thereof are called The Judicators; idiots would call this 'worldbuilding', but piling on junk trivia with no further meaning is an end in itself, that their civilisation is a sort of theocratic monarchy ruled by God Messiah figures was established far more substantively much earlier in the text. It's inoffensive in low concentrations, but this was everywhere in the new chapter.
A general outline of the final length of this writing project would be helpful. How many chapters will each act have and how many acts will there be in total?

>>92185
>I really couldn't stand your use of the 'The capitalised Noun' trope thing
I agree, in hindsight there was too much. But is the issue solely the use of proper nouns or the terminology itself? Would it be better to refer to judicators as peacekeepers and the ascendancy as the Elanian council?
> How many chapters will each act have and how many acts will there be in total?
There will be five acts with seven chapters each. It will take a while, yes, but I am hoping to have it finished by at least the end of the year. I only took so long with this chapter because I wasn't writing fur awhile, but I am focused now.

>>92233
Both in combination. If these concepts are totally alien to anything in our vocabulary and understanding, or if this is the best way to convey important subtext - whatever, but constant misuse and overuse of this device is one of the worst and most glaring symptoms in contemporary fiction writing once you start noticing it. There are no rules when it comes to these things, but I personally fluffing hate it and can't unsee it in every work of genre-trash.
>There will be five acts with seven chapters each.
The pace seems fine to me, in that case.

I am absolutely in love with this.
CANNOT wait fur chapter 3.

No new chapter, but a comic. I will probably do more in the future, though with less effurt so it doesn't take so long

>>93919
sesbian lex won or something

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she will defend humanity against the n*des (don't tell her about the wixels)

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>>94159
What will she think when she finds out that nyagveri sided with the queens?

>>94178
nyagveri would never do that also cute wixels