>>51282
I know you're right man. I do. I really do. It's been more than 2 years. Ever since i picked up furtnite when i was like, 14, this shit has been my life. 7 years later, I can definitely say i'm better than most other gamers, but only because i've neglected EVERYTHING to get there.
I treat myself like shit. I don't eat as much as I should. I don't shower. I've missed out on love. I've let friendships wither away. I stopped talking to so many people because i'm just busy doing my own shit and grinding. That's what hurts the most. I have lost so many friends. I stopped talking to people outside my little friend group because I'd rather hop on the game, even then, I neglect THEM. Certain people I should treat so much better.
It's so hard sitting here and swallowing the pill that is "it wasn't enough." That there were still things i should've done better. That this is now a chapter of my life I have to walk away from because it just wasn't enough, and I cannot affurd to keep wasting myself over it.
But to make this all sound alot less dark and mopey, thank you anon. Losing this is, probably, honestly, a good thing so that I can finally get myself to focus on something else. Thinking about it, yeah, I might have learned some sort of discipline and practice from this. and honestly? I might return next year. I won't be playing the game as much as I have in the last 2 years but I will keep up on my aim trainer grinds as they don't require so much time.
I'm going to take some time to get a certification in something. I don't know yet but something. I also want to draw more. you might see me post some bullshit
>>51285
not necessarily being an artist or programmer, but literally ANY other skill than moving my mouse and the finals gamesense, but i get what you mean.
>>51283
yeah but also like im nowhere near the level of riley
one day maybe
most recent clip i have is me selling some high score
(turn down your shit i was bumping fleshwater)
you guys are really really cool thank you fur giving attention to this i love yall and this will be my home